TWICE IN ONE DAY!!!! WHAT????

[meesasometimes]

I was just telling big_heart_june about my tattoo story and it occurred to me that I should post this here.

ALTHOUGH, I am just a bit crazy and a bit stupid crazy about Dean, I'm not as obsessed as it may seem.
When I was 28 I had Hodgkins Lymphoma and it sucked, alot. I had a 4 yr. son to take care of, no insurance,
and it sucked. ALOT. Anyhoo, after surgery, & 8 rounds of chemo, that left me bald and extremely ill (as I didn't have 
the means to get any anti-nausea meds) I promptly quit against my doctors wishes and switched to months
of radiation. I've had no recurrances and I airquote here, "I am fine" (because poison and radiation in no
way leave you fine ever again). But it's 15 years later and I'm alive and I've got to watch my son grow up
which is all I really was hoping for. The rest now is just bonus time as far as I'm concerned.

SO that stuff is stuff I don't talk alot about, I'm not a proud "survivor", and I don't wanna run in your race for 
the cure. I'm bitter and it SUCKED. And I live my life with it and i don't want anymore reminders. It was 
something that I suffered thru and barely made it past,  it changed who I am as a person and not all in good ways.
 
(It's possible I need some therapy)

Anyway, the end result is a heart murmur, a messed up thyroid, and a shit ton of scar tissue around my 
heart and in my chest and neck on the left side. I had alot of pain there and I still do. After 10 years of it
I had a brilliant idea of starting to tattoo the right side of my body, just to try and refocus my brain away
from the right side and the real and imaginary pain there.

I always liked tattoo sleeves, my mother is gone now so I don't have her disapproving glare, I only have me
to please and delight with it. AND so it is. THere is nothing that delights me more or could possibly be
more mentally distracting to me than Dean Winchester. Am I right or am I right? So after running it by my
girlfriend (How do you feel about having a seriously inked up wife?) and my son (who is the most
ultra-conservative 17 yr old ever and is appalled but resigned to it and thinks I am entirly too old and washed
up to be getting tattoos) I started this endevor. 

So this tattoo, even more than the last, is so much more about me than Dean. I know you'll all understand.

Now let's never talk of this again. LOL

Thank you to any of my flist who is reading this, I really love you all!

Comments

[meesasometimes.livejournal.com]

I don't recommend cancer as a character building excise...it's highly over-rated :)

I am in love with this tattoo, it works like a charm...and the puppy does his fair share as well. Those I do recommend.

Also, I think you should get some fake/temporary tattoos that are ridiculously embarrassing just to tease your son. XD

HAH!!! I'm going to look for some!