meesasometimes | (no subject)

Today marks 4 years since the death of my mother. I think it would be fair to say we were a bit codependant, we spoke daily on the phone sometimes for hours at a time, watching tv shows together, seeing what the other was eating for lunch, a check in call everytime I return from being out. EVERYDAY since I left college 25 years ago. The quiet in my life was the hardest part, the phone never ringing, my days turning a waiting game, while I waited for my son and my spouse to come home.

I have a point here and it's a good one. The Supernatural DVD's became my background noise and my happy place and it led me to fandom and eventually here to lj. And it filled that big quiet empty hole that I had in all the most wonderful and surprising ways. It saved me from that abyss, sounds dramatic, but I love that the ladies of "The View" aren't my besties anymore and my dog doesn't know the afternoon talk show lineup. It just means everything to me...this little lj world that no one who isn't in it understands.

When people ask or comment about my Dean Winchester tattoo, this is what I really think about. I may say he's my bad-ass tv boyfriend and he fucking saved the world from the appocolypse. GOOGLE it! But it's much more than that, it's about finding something so "sparkling" and wonderful to me when I felt like I had lost so much, and what a surprise that life is...it's just so happy making.

I done, I'm crying now....here are some pics.

On a lighter note, I came across this pic of me, that's my grandpa in the back with his bow legs :)

christmas maybe 1985...I'm trying to judge by my hair :)

My mom and I...1972

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My goal today...make everyone on my flist cry too :( *hugs you tight*It doesn't get easier huh? As much as I miss her It's not as much as I thought I would, I mean for the first time I felt like I had someone on the otherside in my back pocket, that was an unexpected thing. I hate that I can't call her up to complain about the stupidity of my father and I just have to yell it into the air tho XD.

Thank you for sharing this with me, it means so much. *tissue*

It wasn't your fault hon. :) I get teary whenever I think of my mom. It may be close to 11 years since she's been gone? But she's never far from my mind and thoughts. Especially as it's so close to Christmas time. :)And it doesn't get easier no. But you heal as time goes by. It's all good memories that I have of her and I am so glad I had her for as long as we did. She wouldn't be happy to think of us as sad. So we celebrate her life with happy memories. ;) The saying time heals all wounds? It's true up to a point. You heal, but you hopefully keep the best of them with you in your heart. And that's where she is for me. ;) I think we might be twins? Because I used to complain about dad alot to her, ha! And now I can only do the same as you are doing! It's frustrating but I am sure they are both looking down at us and having a little chuckle!
And thank YOU for sharing this as well! It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling the way that I do!
*Hugs you*

Edited 2011-12-20 18:40 (UTC)

*g* you just made me laugh outloud. You don't know how many times I say " Mom, I bet this is funny to you!"...

Ha! yeah, I end up thinking it, or saying this out loud! *G* And I know she's up there laughing-at my expense, lol. ;)))
*Hugs*