meesasometimes | (no subject)

Today marks 4 years since the death of my mother. I think it would be fair to say we were a bit codependant, we spoke daily on the phone sometimes for hours at a time, watching tv shows together, seeing what the other was eating for lunch, a check in call everytime I return from being out. EVERYDAY since I left college 25 years ago. The quiet in my life was the hardest part, the phone never ringing, my days turning a waiting game, while I waited for my son and my spouse to come home.

I have a point here and it's a good one. The Supernatural DVD's became my background noise and my happy place and it led me to fandom and eventually here to lj. And it filled that big quiet empty hole that I had in all the most wonderful and surprising ways. It saved me from that abyss, sounds dramatic, but I love that the ladies of "The View" aren't my besties anymore and my dog doesn't know the afternoon talk show lineup. It just means everything to me...this little lj world that no one who isn't in it understands.

When people ask or comment about my Dean Winchester tattoo, this is what I really think about. I may say he's my bad-ass tv boyfriend and he fucking saved the world from the appocolypse. GOOGLE it! But it's much more than that, it's about finding something so "sparkling" and wonderful to me when I felt like I had lost so much, and what a surprise that life is...it's just so happy making.

I done, I'm crying now....here are some pics.

On a lighter note, I came across this pic of me, that's my grandpa in the back with his bow legs :)

christmas maybe 1985...I'm trying to judge by my hair :)

My mom and I...1972

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Oh honey *hugs you super tight* I love the pics of you and your mama.♥ Mine passed away 6 years ago and we were pretty much like you and yours, I still miss her every single day. LJ means the world to me too and everybody in it and I've just stopped trying to explain that to RL folks, I guess Annelise and the bf are the only ones that truly understand. I feel blessed to have you on my flist, you're absolutely wonderful and my complete and utter Dean Winchester brain twin! :D ♥

*relishing in that hug*...and now we're the moms and it's like the circle starts all over again. Oh life.

I feel blessed to have you on my flist, you're absolutely wonderful and my complete and utter Dean Winchester brain twin!

you got that right lady! XD

I'm so sorry, BB. My biggest condolences to you. I've never experienced a loss so profound, but I can imagine its something you'll always feel. So, just *huuugs*

Also, though, yay for this fandom and the friends it has gave us, right. I'm so happy for you that you found it, I'm so happy I found it, I'm so happy we found each other and everyone and everything else we've found. It is a wonderful place. And while today is an awful day for you, congrats for remembering the good things.

Gorgeous pics as well! <3

Thank you. It's so great to have a place like this that you can share random things and funny things and painful things...and have wonderful understanding people like you to share them with.

*hugs* thank you, really.

2,000% I get it-I understand exactly. It doesn't make sense to anyone not in the LJ network. And it's ours, all ours! That we get nervous when LJ goes down or is under attack. *G* I needs mah LJ and flisties! In March of this coming year marks the 11th year that we lost my mom. I still have a huge hole in my heart-I miss her so much it hurts. She was my mom but she was always my best friend too. Like you we talked on the phone alot, and if I had news good or bad-she was the first one to tell it to, talk it over. I still find myself doing that-then remembering she's gone now. That hurts me the most. Aww damn it, not I'm crying too!
*Glomps*

My goal today...make everyone on my flist cry too :( *hugs you tight*It doesn't get easier huh? As much as I miss her It's not as much as I thought I would, I mean for the first time I felt like I had someone on the otherside in my back pocket, that was an unexpected thing. I hate that I can't call her up to complain about the stupidity of my father and I just have to yell it into the air tho XD.

Thank you for sharing this with me, it means so much. *tissue*

It wasn't your fault hon. :) I get teary whenever I think of my mom. It may be close to 11 years since she's been gone? But she's never far from my mind and thoughts. Especially as it's so close to Christmas time. :)And it doesn't get easier no. But you heal as time goes by. It's all good memories that I have of her and I am so glad I had her for as long as we did. She wouldn't be happy to think of us as sad. So we celebrate her life with happy memories. ;) The saying time heals all wounds? It's true up to a point. You heal, but you hopefully keep the best of them with you in your heart. And that's where she is for me. ;) I think we might be twins? Because I used to complain about dad alot to her, ha! And now I can only do the same as you are doing! It's frustrating but I am sure they are both looking down at us and having a little chuckle!
And thank YOU for sharing this as well! It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling the way that I do!
*Hugs you*

Edited 2011-12-20 18:40 (UTC)

*g* you just made me laugh outloud. You don't know how many times I say " Mom, I bet this is funny to you!"...

Ha! yeah, I end up thinking it, or saying this out loud! *G* And I know she's up there laughing-at my expense, lol. ;)))
*Hugs*

Aww, I'm so sorry about your mom. The photos are lovely. I totally get what you mean about SPN, LJ and the boys. It's become such a huge part of my life and I can't really explain it to anyone (except my husband). I'm glad it helped you get through that time in your life.

Thank you. It is just so great to know that I have this little community of people!